Monday, February 12, 2007

Passionate and Dangerous

I hesitate and a thought flickers forward. What if I start crying here in the library? I let it pass. That is not an issue now, I will certainly tear up and besides, grief is good. Then I consider for a moment if, or why, I need to share such personal experiences? Yes, I am sure. It's why I got tattooed "passionate and dangerous", which will forever lie acrosss the top of my back. So, I take in and release a deep breath, even if it hurts. I am as committed to what has been as much as what could be.

Today we honor and celebrate the lives of our amazing friends, Emma and Oona who died together on this day February 12th, 5 years ago already. They were coming home from a wonderful adventure and died suddenly in a car accident. They were both 21 and part of the Trumbullplex Collective where we lived. I never want to forget and always remain inspired by them. In a way I feel like this is what you do when you are touched by humans with such spirit, it's barely a choice, we have to keep their spirits alive because it rests inside us all now. They were so amazing, I could swear it's impossible that not one of us saw them while their wings were visible.

I know that sounds so cheesy, regardless they do make me think of angels. Not flawless perfect beings that wear white dresses in heaven, but humans who on earth tore it up! They had spirits that soared higher than Icarus had. While here they touched so many more people than any of us even know. They were angels that were anarchists and bouncers, artists and gardeners. They skipped classes but knew volumes: from linguistics to welding to breathing fire to geology to what friendship and community should mean too. The list goes on and on. Angels that liked to be loud and party, dream and experiment, think, work, feel, and live to the fullest, the best kind.

I really miss them. I miss them all the time and in my own way. They were family to me, as is the rest of the Plex from that time. Some of this extended family will get together tonight as has been the tradition, to remember them as a community, as well as how we individually each do. For me they have settled into a precious and deep place within. It may sound selfish, but they are always there for me, so I hope I can repay them for this. I hope we can let them out of the recesses of our hearts when we are together more often and share with each other what they and the experience of their death means to us now.

This year I tried to imagine how they would have physically changed and where they would be. The way they looked may have changed is not as hard as what they would be up to. At this point they could have done and been anything. They were both uniquely beautiful and gifted, I had such crushes on them. On that note since I had no intentions previously to write about them today I'll try to just share a little more about how I felt about them and maybe some day you can ask me more about what they did and who they were.

One time I was trying to find a quiet place and ended up on the second floor living room near Oona's room (which I have to mention was painted a bright blue with stars too), I don't think I was even reading, just sitting and resting. Suddenly Oona's door opened and she came out of her room totally naked. She turned to face me and said "oh, hey what's up" and I said "just sitting here" and then she smiled and walked into the bathroom. I didn't know she was in there with her lover. She was so cool about it, while my jaw was still sitting on the floor.

We all had a lot of fun. One time in the theatre after a FIASCO, drinking beer and whiskey and Emma being plenty drunk started to hit on me. We didn't know each other very well yet, but it was clear that she was hardcore and probably more than I could handle. Emma was pierced, had most of one arm tattooed in the most beautiful and twisted tree I can ever recall seeing, then and since. She was a traveller punk and truly defined artist-activist. She could play a saw, wore masses of shiny silver jewelery (this is where my thumb ring comes from), and like Oona had a perfect smile.

For as fierce as they were they were the sweetest pirates I have ever met and I will love them always. Appreciate and love one another because you never know


At 1:34 PM , Anonymous Monica said...

You almost made me cry in the school library! I am so sorry I missed everyone last night. I didn't realize it was the 12th or that that was the reason people were getting together (plus I didn't get home from school until 9:30p). I miss everyone and wish I could have been there to share the evening with you and everyone else.



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