Sunday, December 10, 2006

Rooftop Thoughts

I am on top; on the ridge of myself, looking out with watery eyes before th sun sinks. It's cold & hard to breathe freely. I feel a little desperate, trying to control my own destiny. A sign says "acres of hope", I respond, "I know", but where to now? I see my neighbors and strangers and I think 'they are compelled to do what is best for them and theirs'. I understand, but this has too little to do with building community as a strategy to outdo capitalism.

Deconstructing what it takes to feel like I am still up for this struggle, even just my small part: friends, my voice, some space and time alone every now and again, and diverse activities that keep me learning; it is a double edged sword. I like to be involved in lots of projects that take the place of a formal education and occupation, but each of these, friends included, not just activism, they all take time. Everything takes time... and I'm still on occasion having a hard "time", with just how long it does take. Nevertheless the process is all important, it is life.

From up here I also see looming towers that lay shadows down right over neighborhoods, be they hurting or healthy. It's hard not to stare at them from this vantage point, even though there are so many more interesting things to see. Maybe more of us should climb up on our roofs and take a look around? We could wave to each other.

Some may think these highly fortified institutional walls are here to serve and protect us, but these buildings also keep people out, especially when their focus has something to do with money. Even people interacting and caring for one another in our neighborhoods, on land that has policies cemented to them, makes for uncertain efforts. That's how I am feeling. In the end the land is not ours, nor is it the state's, but those that make the rules have the upper hand and that get's to the question of power.

So many policies equal impossible demands. Try and cold call downtown to figure something out, even if you are trying to pay them something and almost guarantee it will suck the energy right out of you. The bureacracy is virtually useless. Our lives are not like anything those who occupy offices in the highest of these walls know or remember, so we are doubly challenged to try and mend a social fabric that unravels everyday before our eyes, and fight back. I believe our efforts must somehow change (destroy) the system that has us construct such walls, because in these buildings misguided decisions are made for us and they undermine our efforts to speak to one another and control our own lives.

Real estate values going up, but what value is it? It's the value of a dollar. The values I write about, are priceless, and they most closely resemble the anarchist philosphy and way of life. But even if that feeling of others are out there struggling like me and have been for so long under the banner of the blag flag, what good is it ever if it does not help you to keep an open mind always.


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